Monday, January 18, 2010

Costa Rica Days 5-8

I killed a few more spiders in the bathroom, had a cold shower and headed to the port early in the morning. I jumped on a ferry loaded with locals and we made our way toward the two volcanoes on Isla Ometepe. Once onshore, I crammed into a “Nico” bus and about an hour of riding on rough roads I got off in a remote area with a few shacks and a hostel near the coast. The whole journey was only $2.

At the hostel, I befriended an American-Nicaraguan from California named Luis. His stepfather owned the place and Luis has called it home for the past nine months. I believe he’s the local Casanova as I always saw him cruising on his bicycle chatting with the local ladies. I tried to schedule a hike up the larger volcano but was swayed away by locals saying that it’s too dangerous to climb as it occasionally spews hot ash. So, I decided to climb the smaller Maderas Volcano. Good thing, I did. I struggled up the steep, muddy trail trying to keep up with Luis, a fit 22-year old who has hiked the mountain a dozen times. Luckily, the hostel’s dog named Donkey would stop and wait for me as I gasped for air like a fat person climbing stairs. Sometimes I could hear a band of monkeys up in the trees laughing at me.

At the top of the 1,394-meter volcano, we descended down to a crater lake that was covered with a thick mist. It looked like an enchanted forest out of a movie. I frolicked around and waded knee-deep in the cold water. It took probably 7 or 8 hours to complete the 8-mile hike and I only fell 6 times. About four days later I’m still sore.

I eventually left the island and traveled back to the elusive Arenal Volcano in Costa Rica. I was able to see most of the mountain and its surrounding lake but the clouds never cleared away to reveal its peak. With no mountain to fully admire I wasted my time relaxing by the pool and in hammocks while guzzling local beers. On my last night, I went to a nearby hot springs. The place was the shiznit. It had hazardous but fun slides and at least ten pools from warm water to f-ing hot water. Despite the weather and forgetting my camera, the trip was a memorable one.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Costa Rica: Days 2-4

Overcoming adversity should be the moniker of this passage. First, I left Liberia in northern Costa Rica n drove down to the active Arenal volcano. I was pumped about seeing the volcano spit up some lava but I was greeted with rain, rain and more rain. I couldn't even see the damn volcano.

Soon after, I left for better weather in Nicaragua. About 10 minutes into the road trip a huge pothole came out of nowhere and hit my tiny car dead on, popping two of its tires. I was stranded on a wet, narrow road for about five hours until the rental company got me back on my way. On the bright side, while I was stranded, a posse of Coatis surrounded my car and kept me company. About four hours of driving I finally reached the Nicaraguan border only to be denied entry since I had a rental car.

To say the least, I was pissed and cussing like Natalie Portman in her rap video. However, I ditched the rental car in a parking lot and took a bus to my destination. Now, when I say "bus" it means an old raggedy school bus converted into public transportation. And it was packed with villagers jumping on it while it rolled casually along. But hey, it only cost a $1 for a 40-km journey. Currently, I'm at a hotel on the coast of Lake Nicaragua. The bathroom is basically a zoo. There are good-sized spiders, large ants, geckos, etc. Maybe a monkey will sneak in there later.

I'm hoping to jump on a ferry tomorrow morning and head to Isla Ometepe, where two volcanoes protrude from the lake and form an island. I plan to climb the tallest one but we'll see if my fat ass can make it or if weather ruins the day again.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Costa Rica: Day 1

Enjoying the 90-degree weather in my rental car when I discover that the passageway to my hotel is police barricaded. I play dumb tourist n get through to find my hotel right next to some political rally. Apparently, a presidential candidate is having a bash outdoors with live music and a touching speech even tho I could only understand one word of every sentence. If she wins, she'll be the 1st female prez I'm told. I end the night getting intoxicated and talking about women with a tour guide named Oscar at the hotel. I'm supposed to climb a volcano tomorrow morning. We'll see if that happens...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Philippines

To say the least, my first impression of Manila was unflattering. After being ripped off by a tricycle taxi, I walked along a filthy road where my hotel was located and saw a little boy pooing in the street. I was then quickly surrounded by other homeless Filipinos aggressively begging for change.

That night was a whole lot better, though. Beggars still followed me around like I was Warren Buffet, but the lively area where I stayed (Malate) was bustling with nightlife. Almost every bar had a live band cranking out decent music, sometimes with a Latin flava.

The next day I ventured to Fort Santiago, an old Spanish fort along the river. Even though the heydays of the fort – now a tourist attraction – are long gone, there were still guards in period uniforms toting shotguns. I assumed that they were there to prevent pickpockets, or to intimidate cheap tourists who refused to pay the entrance fee.

I eventually jumped on a bus and headed north to the former Clark Air Force Base, which shutdown following the eruption of a nearby volcano in 1991. The base is flanked by Angeles City, a popular tourist spot for old men.

I didn’t realize that Angeles had such a high concentration of go-go bars until I got there. I probably saw at least 80 of these bars in less than a half-mile stretch. The city still had other things to offer other than scantily-clothed ladies and expensive drinks.

One day I rented a scooter and traveled to the dormant volcano, Mt. Arayat. I then befriended some local Filipino guys who took me to a cock fight. The angry roosters were like Gladiators as they fought to the death while spectators cheered. I ended up losing my two bets, but it was more of a cultural spectacle for me than simply gambling.

Following the fights, my new friends invited me to a party where I ate chicken feet and downed cheap brandy. All in all, it was a great time. I was surprised at just how friendly the Filipino people were. They don’t call the Philippines the “Land of Smiles” for nothing.

I spent most of my time in the country on the famous shores of Boracay, located south of Manila. The sandy beaches on this island are perhaps the best that I’ve ever seen. White Beach has a four-kilometer stretch of fine white sand, lined with resorts and crystal clear water.

The nightlife on the island's boardwalk was also bumping. Just watch out for the ladyboys who scour the boardwalk for easy prey in the early morning hours.

Luckily I didn’t get too drunk and fall for their evil deceiving ways, like other duped guys. You wanted to tell them that they were holding hands with a dude, but I didn’t want to risk a fight with a man in drag. Though ladyboys strive to be feminine, they still get very hostile if angered.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Northern Thailand

It seemed safe to touch the giant beast as it rested outside its fortified cage. The Thai workers said it was alright, though I briefly hesitated to get down and pet the fully-grown tiger. In the back of my mind I was waiting for it to take a chunk out of me.

A few seconds and a deep breath later, I sat beside the tiger as one worker snapped a photo. He then told me to put my head on his stomach as if I were hugging the predator. I gave him a strange look but did what he said. Suddenly, the tiger moved its paws and I jumped away. Luckily, he was just stretching.

All in all, it was quite an experience at Tiger Kingdom, just outside of Chiang Mai in northern Thailand. For only $6, you can interact with adult tigers as well as young cubs for 20 minutes. Down the road from the kingdom, I sat front row to one of Thailand’s famous shows at a snake farm. There, a pair of Thai men teased deadly cobras and let tourists pose with a huge boa.

I arrived in Chiang Mai at the right time during the country’s Loy Kratong festival, which celebrates the end of the monsoon season. The best way for me to describe the festival is that it’s like New Year’s Eve, July 4th and Christmas all rolled together. For about three days, fireworks echo and spray into the air while revelers give offerings to the river and food vendors fill the streets. Perhaps the most amazing sight was the thousands of oriental lanterns that floated into the night sky. The lantern symbolizes one person’s bad luck as it floats into the sky. However, if the lantern fails to fly away, the bad luck stays put.

Following the festival, I went on a one-day trek into the rolling hills near Chiang Mai. Our first stop was white-water rafting along a rocky river. There were a few scary moments as one of our rowers fell into the water.

Next stop was the elephant farm. I sat on an uncomfortable seat with an Australian tourist as we rode a huge elephant across a river and uneven terrain. Elephants also ate bananas from my hands with their salivating trunks.

After a 20-minute elephant trek and a calming bamboo raft ride, our group visited some intriguing people. The area is full of hill tribes who live without the stuff we take for granted, like cable TV. There are roughly 800,000 mountain people in 3,500 tribes. Even as urbanization devours the surrounding area, most of these tribes still live by long-lived traditions.

Originally from Burma, the long-neck women of the Padaung tribe who left the corrupt country to escape persecution are the most popular mountain people to visit. At the age of six, women of the tribe begin to place brass rings around their necks until they turn 16. The pressure of 11 pounds of brass eventually crushes their collarbones and ribs, which gives them the long neck appearance. It was sort of a human zoo as us tourists took photos of them. They didn’t mind as long as they got money.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Chiang Mai, the second largest city in Thailand. Thus far, the city is the best that I’ve been to on this trip. A river slices through its center and forest-covered hills, with its hidden Buddhist temples, flank the west side of the city. I rented a scooter and maneuvered through traffic jams to visit many of the sites. The city is easily worth a week or two to explore.

Before heading up north, I stopped in dirty and polluted Bangkok. I only spent a few days and wasn’t able to venture out too much. The best site that I came across was the massive reclining Buddha inside Wat Pho temple. I’ve seen many Buddha statues, but this was the biggest. Each one of its toes was as big as my head!

The funniest thing to happen in Bangkok was when I ventured into a night market where there were a collection of lively bars. As I strolled past vendors, a Thai man grabbed my arm and persuaded me to go upstairs to see a “live show.” I curiously crept up the stairs and as I turned around a corner, I was in front of three nude Thai girls on a small stage.

Two of them immediately greeted me with “helloooo sirrrr” while the third bent over and, no kidding, blew a bicycle horn from her talented vagina. As soon as I heard the horn, I blushed and quickly ran downstairs giggling like a schoolgirl. Maybe some other day I’ll be brave enough to see this “show.”

Friday, November 21, 2008

Southern Thailand

As I walked down a narrow street in Phuket’s bustling tourist zone, Patong Beach, I heard a long, exaggerated plea come from a local vendor. “You wanna massaaaage?” the tan-skinned Thai girl said as she blocked my path in the middle of the road.

I politely said “no” to the busty, young girl, but she did not give up. When I attempted to walk around her, she grabbed my arm. I then ripped my arm from her grasp and briskly strolled away to her repeating “Where u go? I cum wit youuuuu…”

For men visiting this island in southwest Thailand, this is a very common occurrence. Practically everywhere you walk, a group of young girls are posted outside massage parlors waiting for prey to pounce on. With a one-hour massage costing less than $10, many tourists – men and women – partake in the relaxing treatment, though men are more often picked on by the opportunistic Thai ladies.

I even succumbed to the pleas of roadside masseuses, however, only at the quality parlors. There are many hidden in dark, dirty alleys with scantily-clothed ladies. Who knows what happens behind the curtains in those places. I guess you could either leave satisfied and poor following a “sensual massage” or with one kidney. I didn’t fancy both outcomes, so I stayed far away.

Besides an abundance of massage parlors, Patong Beach is ground zero for nightlife in the region. Every night, one of its streets – lined with bars, clubs and lively go-go bars – is blocked off for three or four blocks.

Just like Amsterdam’s red-light district, the go-go bars are a must see for any tourist. As many as 20 to 30 small bars are crammed side-by-side into an area, where attractive girls pole dance on top of the bars and vie for your attention. Drinks cost anywhere from $2 to $5 and you can buy your favorite girl a drink for some short-time companionship.

Nearby, the clubs kept bumping until 6 a.m. while hookers scoured the venues for potential johns. Don’t worry. This guy didn’t go home with any of these raunchy girls. They mainly stayed with the middle-aged men who were willing to spend money on them. It was quite the sight to see a fat, bald 50-year-old man squeezing the ass cheeks of an 18-year-old Thai girl. But the girls didn’t seem to mind as long as the cash keep flowing in their direction.

After a hard week of partying, I caught a ferry to the stunning Phi Phi islands. For those of you who’ve seen The Beach starring Leonardo DiCaprio, you may remember the picturesque white-sand, azure beach in the film. The beach, called Maya Bay, is within a natural park on one of the islands and for only $30 you can rent a boat that takes you there as well as other coves and lagoons on the island.

Tourists typically stay at the larger Phi Phi Don Island, where I paid roughly $15 a day for a beachfront bungalow on Long Beach. The scenery on the beach was amazing while I soaked up the sun and snorkeled the days away.

A short barefoot walk along the sandy shore led me to the beach’s only watering hole, the Buddha Bar. To draw in customers, the bar held nightly fire dance shows. Brave, young men tossed and spun sticks with flames spouting from both ends to the delight of a few tourists.

The best part was at the end of every show. That’s when the fire dancers lit a ring a fire and allowed tourists to jump through it, just as lions do in the circus. Besides a slight singe of the arm hair, it was quite safe to try a couple of times after a few cocktails.

Next blog is Northern Thailand whenever I get around to it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Malaysia

There I stood poised in the likes of an Amazon tribesman with a spear elevated in my left hand staring eye-to-eye with a wild monkey.

Seconds ago, the hairy little thief pinched my bag of munchies as I sat stranded on an island off the west coast of Malaysia. After chucking sand and rocks and also stabbing a bamboo spear toward the monkey, he disappeared into the thick jungle with my grub.

Hours before the encounter, a charter boat dropped me off at one of the uninhabited islands near the tourist isle of Langkawi. I was supposed to spend six hours out there but the local boatmen picked me back up a few hours later due to inclement weather.

The early departure was a disappointment not only because I wanted to relax away from other pale tourists but I yearned for revenge against that quick, damn monkey. I thought he deserved to at least be pegged with a small stone or something.

I may have been slightly upset that day but I did thoroughly enjoy my week-long stay in Malaysia. My first stop was the bustling capital of Kuala Lumpur. I had the opportunity to party with locals and stand next to the picturesque Petronas Towers.

I then took an overnight train and ferry to Langkawi where I stayed at random beachside hotels, drank beer and swam in warm seawater. I also rented a moped and traveled across the island to check out remote beaches with rocky, lush green islands just off the coast.

It was surprisingly cheap everywhere on the popular island. A night at a seafront hotel can cost just $25 and a meal stood at about a dollar or two. A beer was less than $2, with cocktails at $5.

I highly recommend a trip to Langkawi since it's still not as touristy or built up as nearby Phuket in Thailand, which is my next stop. However, there are a few things or at least one thing that guys should know before coming out this way.

Though the beaches are beautiful, many of the beachgoers aren't what you'd expect. Malaysia is a Muslim country, so you'll likely see fully-clothed women in the water, even with their headdresses on. Also, there was an abundance of gay dudes, some in thongs and Speedos that were all too revealing.

I typically associate sandy beaches with nubile bikini-wearing girls. Unfortunately I could only find a few on the island. Though its eye-candy was bothersome, the price was right for traveling to Langkawi, and even for the rest of Malaysia.